I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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