"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i will never coherently bang her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
