do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
