It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
