WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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