so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
