bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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