woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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