As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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