the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we're making bets on your personal life
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
