I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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