Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The struggles of a small town man whore
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
