Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
