Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
