you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS