Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife