just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.