I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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