You're completely useless in the revolution.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
