i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
