he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
