none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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