Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
