Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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