I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
