My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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