what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize