i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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