come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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