How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize