We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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