I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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