and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
