I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
