New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
