I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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