nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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