who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
