I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
