So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
