That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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