plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
