I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The uberlube is also flammable
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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