I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
