well you can't waste a boner
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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