Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
