there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
