I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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