There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
