We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
