porn star boner night. come get it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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