end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
