Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
