you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
