We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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