I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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