Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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