Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
