i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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