I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
