I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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