i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
