we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
