I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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