literally had 100 drinks last night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
