yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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