I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
