Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
