VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
