bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize