3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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