her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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