Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
