Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
