Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
