it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
