Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
