I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize