how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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